So my orgasm is currently back in my hands, meaning if I want to cum, technically I can. I have been wanting to get back into a longer term denial period, and I am seven days in. I have been super needy and edging a lot except for a day and a half of no touch. Last night I was playing and had a rather intense edging session. I was out of my mind needy, and struggling to stick to my own decision that I was not gonna cum. I finished edging and said goodnight to the person who was controlling my toys. Rather than going to sleep as I had planned to, I grabbed my other fully charged toy and started using patterns. I made a split-second decision to cum because I felt so fucking needy. As I was playing more, I was having an internal debate over whether or not I was gonna cum.I had asked a couple friends to check in on me today to make sure I hadn’t cum. It was my feeble attempt at assuring accountability to myself. I figured, if I came, and they asked, they could tell one of the people I listen to around our shared community or make me tell them. I don’t know. It was just something to try to keep myself honest so I would not give in during a moment of weakness.As I got closer to the edge, I made a kind of deal with myself to do this one 10-minute pattern that may or may not push me over. I would try to not cum as hard as I could, but I knew there was a chance it would force me. I knew it wasn’t as mentally strong as I’d have preferred, where I said no to myself and stuck to it no questions asked. But it was better than having decided to just give in, which I had just chosen to do.Going back on the bad choice I made to give in, and creating a situation where the control was only partially mine, was a step in the right direction for me.So I’m riding this essentially 10-minute edge, since this pattern pretty much never lets up, and I am realizing that I had talked myself out of giving in. It dawns on me that I can make the choice not to cum even though no one else is holding me to it. I’m happier and more fulfilled in my sex life and in general when I am denied, and while it is definitely more fun and much hotter to be told by others, I can deny myself.It was a good mental exercise for me to come back from having actively decided to give up to ultimately resolving not to. I made it through the pattern and was done playing. I felt like I had made some kind of progress in my own self-control as a sub. What I learn about myself in kink is almost always translatable to other disciplines of my life as well.. Accountability is fucking hard for me as it is for everyone, but I think I have maybe started getting a little better at learning to hold myself accountable. So I guess I might be proud of myself a little. female orgasm denial Get your own Orgasm Control toys: For men: http://www.amzn.to/1V6XQvv For women: https://ift.tt/1UWn54n
