Month: February 2021

Aching

Lately, I have been taking some time away and focus on myself…on what I can do to be better, on what I can do to stop blaming myself and I haven’t been the best in replying all of your texts. I’m replying now….. I think….. 🤪Anyway…here we go…”I want you to make me cry. Push my limits.” – I said this two weeks ago to a certain someone. I was feeling sad. I felt betrayed and abandoned by someone I loved. I was being out of character but I asked a sadist to make me cry because at that time, that was what I needed.I wanted someone to take my mind off from the pain I felt. He appeared out of nowhere and somehow provided that comfort that I was seeking for.His response was quite something:”Push my limits” I hope you know how dangerous saying those 3 words to me are.I was taken aback. The masochistic part of me was awaken – arousal mixed with a tiny bit of fear filled my whole body. When the night ended and I was in my own safe haven, I was silently beating myself because why Maru, why did you have to go and ask someone to make you cry? You’re being silly as hell 😭😭I was so ashamed of myself, and kinda avoided him for days. Do you know when you meet someone and they leave an impression on you? He’s exactly just like that. I reached out to him once again when I was in an agony. I didn’t tell him about the painful things I went through, I just went ahead and begged for edges. He took my mind off from the torment I felt on that day – he doesn’t know this but talking to him was comforting at times, for reasons I can barely understand 😌😌Not a surprise, I was denied from edging. I was so close to crying for various reasons and I kept on begging him for edges because I needed that so bad. I…can’t really edge without asking for permission now – it’s weird but it’s something that’s been engraved in my mind. Hence why I needed him to say yes. It could be anyone, but that day, I truly wanted him to say yes.Instead, he wanted me to ache for him so badly till it hurts. I wasn’t allowed to reach an edge at all – I was only allowed to be a desperate, aching denial slut. I’ve tried this before with someone but this time… it felt different somehow.Can you imagine that?I started this whole edging thing in hopes to be denied of my own orgasms. I got that, lots of you people keep on reminding me about how good girls don’t cum but it wasn’t enough for me. I begged him. I begged him to deny me edges. I told him I wanted to feel how desperate I could be without any edges. I wanted to feel that frustration of losing control of my own body, and just aching for him all through the day.It was a new level of desperation and frustration. I was allowed to touch yet I couldn’t reach an edge – and bear in mind, I was the one who asked him to deny me edges in the first place.Here comes the mindfuck. I am seriously impressed by his sadistic needs 🙃Well, you have my permission to touch. But you don’t have to you know.Wait, what?Exactly. That was my first thought too. Surely he wasn’t about to say what I was thinking…….But he did say it crystal clear.You could deny yourself for me. You still have permission to touch for today. But you could choose to frustrate yourself.”Oh boy.I was fucked.Do you know what a torture that one was? I was given a permission to touch, edge, ruin and cum! It was my one and only opportunity to orgasm and someone had finally given me the permission without me having to beg for it. He even said he wouldn’t blame or be disappointed at me. He let me make the decision for myself.No tricks too. All I have to do was to do all of those things in 4 hours, before midnight. I couldn’t decide. A part of me wanted to edge, a bigger part of me wanted to cum. I took so long to reach a final conclusion. By the time I made a decision, it was already an hour before midnight.What did I do?I denied myself. I chose not to even touch myself even though he literally just said I could. I chose to ache and suffer for him. See, I did try my best to touch myself. I placed my hand above my pussy, but it wouldn’t move at all no matter how much I willed it to.I didn’t have control of my body. I wanted to touch myself yet I couldn’t, because deep inside, I knew he was the most pleased when I suffered for him, when I stayed so desperate for him, and my body understood that before my mind could.Here’s another mindfuck. He asked me to ignore all the messages he sent me 15 minutes before midnight. Whatever he said, I was to ignore him and not touch myself.Yo. YO. HE BEGGED ME. He fucking begged me to rub my clit and cum for him. “Fuck, please cum for me maru” oh god. I knew he didn’t mean anything he said. He warned me already…but there was something very very very arousing in seeing a man begging for me….I managed to hold back from touching…until he said to fuck it and ask me to disobey him for my own pleasure.Yep. I did it. With 5 minutes left before midnight, I finally touched my pulsating clit and it felt so so good…. The pleasure was too much and I kept on rubbing myself furiously, chasing for that one orgasm I craved for.I was about to cum until he asked me to stop. Stop touching, because it was midnight. Stop touching because I had disobeyed him directly. Stop touching… and that was supposed to be the last time I touched myself because as a punishment…. I was to be on no touch for 10 whole days… starting today.Now I’m being denied everything….that’s when true desperation will rise. Day 1 of no touch begins now ♥😌 female orgasm denial Get your own Orgasm Control toys: For men: http://www.amzn.to/1V6XQvv For women: https://ift.tt/1UWn54n