My first week edging, some thoughts

(f18) soo i started denial and today marks a week with no orgasms! i’m super new to this and previously couldn’t go two nights without orgasming. no dom or anything, i’ve been struggling with self-control so i’m very proud of myself! and i’m surprised at how much ive come to enjoy edging, i want to be held on an edge forever, it feels even better than orgasming.i’m usually busy during the day so i edge before bed, just rubbing my clit and then stopping once i reach a soft edge. i was averaging about 2 edges a night but today i edged 5 or 6 times in the shower and wow. sitting in my towel rn and the urge to rub my clit against it, or the edge of the bed, or the chair or ANYTHING is strong. the struggle is real, im literally soaking wet, even my panties are wet.im getting carried away though lol, i really made this post because while edging ive become obsessed with the idea of being penetrated?? obviously for other people this isn’t wild but penetration has never interested me (and it’s also been difficult, my pussy is too tight to get anything up there 🙁 ). even now i can’t stop thinking about how nice it would be to be stuffed full or fucked until i cry. or even have someone rub their dick/a strap on my swollen clit. just the thought of sitting in someone’s lap and feeling their cock slide in…. ahhhhh!! this is shit i never thought about before but now it makes me horny as fuck. i need to stop writing about it now bc it’s making me want to cum LMAOmaybe my body is so frustrated that it’s chasing a different type of pleasure? like ive tortured my poor clit so much that now my body’s saying “okay plan B it’s penetration time!!” either way this is some completely new side to me that edging has uncovered. i’m both eager to try it out and scared, partly bc it’s been painful in the past and partly bc i’m scared it’ll feel so good that i’ll accidentally orgasm—thoughts? am i some cockslut in the making lmao? any other girls wanna give me tips on this whole penetration thing? should i even pursue it or should i stick to what ive been doing so far? and how much further should i go?? two weeks without orgasming, a month? i’m still such a beginner and really want to push myself but im scared ill lose controlthanks to anyone who read this brain dump, i need to go finish a paper and ill probably be wet the entire time ugh female orgasm denial Get your own Orgasm Control toys: For men: http://www.amzn.to/1V6XQvv For women: https://ift.tt/1UWn54n