Where to even start? Talking to this incredible man 2000 miles away, we got hot and heavy via text…. and things got so much more elevated.Once his dark, twisted desires for me began to slip through the cracks in our safe space, I noticed my arousal reaching new lengths. Is it fear? The delight of the risk? The forbidden fruit? The desire for taboo, unconventional, seemingly opposite of what I thought I needed….Yet, through this journey of orgasm denial since April 23rd, edging when permitted, exploring thoughts, emotions, torment, overwhelming need, unending physical and emotional starvation for this one man…. for his responses, for his attention, for his approval, for HIS pleasure…. his pleasure is my pleasure. My pussy doesn’t throb just for me anymore. My pussy belongs to him. It throbs for him. When he cums, I feel accomplishment and bliss beyond an orgasm of my own, alone. I never thought something like this was possible. I still can’t fathom what’s happening to me but inside and out, I crave becoming one person with him.Every time the text “typing” appears under his name, so I know he’s about to send me (ME! HE CHOSE ME!) a message…. my clit twitches. My nerves wake up. I hold my breath, knowing I’ll be reading into my Master’s mind, knowing each letter was carefully selected as a message to his slave, his slut, his gift that he treasures as much as I treasure him. Our roles are different. Very much so. Yet…. I feel so even keeled with the dynamic.The biggest problem though, is the emotional TORMENT I’m experiencing. I’m only able to fantasize to an extent. I can’t cum. I don’t want to cum. I’ve edged and at on the very brink for a long time, sent him videos, and impressed him with my willpower. I can’t say that not being able to fall over the edge, imagine being penetrated by him, and having an explosive orgasm wouldn’t take the edge off. It would.But…. what if I don’t want to lose the edge? What if I want to cry in video clips to him? What if I want him to know my only purpose now is to take his cock, his cum, his seed, and to obey every command? What if I like that my world is more and more consumed by thoughts of him every day, every hour, and my body is in tune with his with every denial, every sweet and loving comment…. and yesterday, the greatest gift so far. He came for me and recorded his voice. His beautiful voice as he climaxed wanting me, peaking in pleasure for me. I feel so lucky, but also like a junky needing a fix that can’t be found anywhere but 2,000 miles away.My heart aches that he’s so far away and I have no idea when I can see him. But until then…. any advice on coping? On preparing myself for being restrained, gagged, paddled, whipped? female orgasm denial Get your own Orgasm Control toys: For men: http://www.amzn.to/1V6XQvv For women: https://ift.tt/1UWn54n